-[page].[panel] General: I think you can afford to make the text a bit bigger in general. Ideally, we want the text to be comfortably readable without zooming in, while not feeling cramped within the bubbles. I've mentioned it sporadically throughout the chapter, but you can probably size increase almost every text blurb in the chapter to varying degrees. I'll be skipping phrasing related suggestions for now, as I believe schuyguy will be handling that portion. One thing to consider is that connected thoughts should function like normally written sentences. Commas and periods where applicable, capitals when correct to do so. e.g. on -3.2, "Well, from where I sit / If she was to put on a little makeup / She'd fit my script perfectly." might be written as "Well, from where I sit... / if she were to put on a little makeup, / she'd fit my script perfectly." Make sure to use crossbar I's for first person pronouns, and for that only. -2.1 (optional) "ding dong haloooo!" This can all be made a bit bigger, especially the "ding". Maybe change "haloooo" to "hallooo" for readability. You can also play around a little bit with the layout of the "haloooo", e.g. by writing structuring it a little more like "hal / loo / oo!" diagonally. -3.1 "Hey, i played soccer and[...]" crossbar I -4.1 "sigh" write diagonally (bottom left to top right) for better readability -4.2 Increase font size of both blurbs. Maybe try lining the latter one as "Give up / the stage / and getcher / butt back / in reality!". Also, is there a non crossbar I you can use for this font? -4.3 Grrr looks nice. "If you're not workin', / save yer money! / If you don't got / work, work fer me!" -> "If yer / not workin', / save yer money! / If you don't / got work, / work fer / me!" "I'm hirin' for civil projects!" move up "Like hell I'm gonna do that!" make bigger "I'm a director!" "Lay off, old man!" can tilt diagonally a bit since it's handwritten in the raws. -5.2 "Do you / think I could / be a little more / lady-like?" -> "Do you think / I could be / a little more / lady-like?" also add crossbar I -6.2 "How bout it?" Would be nice to have this much larger, to better match the impact of the original. Don't worry too much about lining up the tilt of the words with one another. I'd make the "how" slightly more horizontal. -7.1 "Kyaa—" the — exists as a sound extender, which we would generally replace with more vowels. So just write "Kyaaa" a bit bigger. Bonus points if you place the letters individually to add a bit more flavour. -7.4 "I'm not gonna look good!" crossbar I -7.5 "You look fine!" -> "You / look / fine!" and make bigger -8.2 "Hyaa" missing redraw below it -8.3 "Aarrgh"-> "Aarrgh!" make both blurbs bigger -8.6 "get you some / bright red / lipstick." -> "get / you some / bright red / lipstick." -8.7 "Hey!" much bigger -10.4 "Ah, / this is a real / problem / now..." -> "Ah, this / is a real / problem / now..." "I thought it / was going to be / impossible..." -> "I thought / it was / going to be / impossible..." "i mean" -> "I mean," "i've never put / on make up, / and i don't / have any / clothes / beyond / sweats..." -> "I've / never put / on makeup, / and I don't have any / clothes / beyond / sweats..." -10.7 "She wouldn't / be thrilled / by these / clothes." -> "She / wouldn't / be thrilled / by these / clothes." -11.3 "i got a sports recommendation," crossbar I "but our / situation's / not gonna let / it happen." -> "but out / situation's / not gonna / let it / happen." -11.6 "Seems like a / good place with / no funny stuff." -> "Seems / like a good / place with / no funny / stuff." "She said / she'd give me an / introduction," -> "She / said she'd / give me an / introduction," -12.1 "That's / how it is, / Nachi-chan." -> "That's / how it is, / Nachi- / chan." "But i've never / dressed like a / girl before, / y'know?" -> "But / I've never / dressed / like a girl / before, / y'know?" crossbar I -12.2 "Well, I was thinking" crossbar I "I know it" crossbar I -12.3 "stupid, but..." "but, you know..." Is this intentional? -12.4 "As far as getting / an unqualified young / girl some work goes" -> "As far / as getting an / unqualified / young girl / some work / goes," "I think that some" crossbar I "I know I've" crossbar I's -12.5 "you know, I've never once" crossbar I "worn a skirt." -> "worn / a skirt." or change the bubble split like "You / know," "I've never / once worn / a skirt." "scrub!" maybe change this to "wipe" or something, also I'm not sure the ! fits tonally. -12.6 "what a joke." "what a / joke." -14.2 crossbar I's -14.4 crossbar I's -14.6 crossbar I -15.1 The written text here is way too small. you can slant them and pack them in a little closer together to make room. -15.2 "tmp tmp tmp" remove dots below -15.7 "I wanna / introduce you / to someone / there." -> "I wanna / introduce / you to / someone / there." crossbar I -15.8 "if I feel like it" crossbar I -15.9 crossbar I