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File: 不自由セカイ_1.png -(1407131 B, 824x1199) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
1407131 No.17354  

RAWS: http://www.mediafire.com/download/v8t8tzsdzey14po

This is digital version, so the whole tank is nice and clean.

>> No.17356  

Thanks a lot for this. I'll prioritize Moratorium's first chapter first and then TL this. It might take a while, since it's over a hundred pages.

>> No.17358  

Choose whichever version of this thread you want to live on, because the rest are all going to die.

>> No.17368  

>>17356

Great!

>> No.17372  

>>17358 I'll do my best to keep this one alive then.

>> No.17426  

Any progress with translation?

>> No.17429  

>>17426 None yet. If there's anyone interested that would be faster than me, that's alright if they take it.

As long as they take Japanese to English translation. (Any other language to English and then being translate checked to Japanese would just make the process longer.)

>> No.17431  

>>17429
well, I am a bit sad. I know I should be patient and wait. All what I could do with this project was provide raws and spread the word.

>> No.17440  

>>17431 Please don't be sad. I'll do my best.

>> No.17839  

Chapter 1 Cleaned
http://www.mediafire.com/download/a2e11vztvi9iwy9

>> No.17840  

Chapter 2 Cleaned
http://www.mediafire.com/download/x1axauv01btb3dd

>> No.17844  

Chapter 3 Cleaned
http://www.mediafire.com/download/6pmbbs0dt75su0s

>> No.17858  

Chapter 4 Cleaned
http://www.mediafire.com/download/c3yp6fbh4ikzl1r

>> No.17878  

Chapter 5 Cleaned
http://www.mediafire.com/download/sn83a05goxs3dqf

>> No.17918  

Chapter 6 + Afterword Cleaned
http://www.mediafire.com/download/ecayfma8yjfld3w

>> No.18020  

No translation, yet? What are you waiting for YP? The whole tank is ready for typesetting.

>> No.18032  

I'm willing to typeset once there is translation. I'm going to back often to check if there will be one.

>> No.18065  

>>18032
Nice. Another volunteer. Hinata was supposed to transtale it, but after 4 months still nothing :(

>> No.18068  

I predict I can translate this faster than Hinata. I'll try get one ready within a week or two.

>> No.18086  

>>18068 Sorry, I won't still be able to translate at least until by March. If you can, feel free.

>> No.18258  
File: not_free.txt -(55613 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

inb4 March

"A week or two" was an ambitious estimate, and I'm sorry I didn't make it.

Things to note:
・I translated 院試(inshi) as "quals." The thing in question is a test taken by students in order to advance to the graduate level. The term 「院試」 seems to be more standardized across Japanese institutions than the term "quals" is across Anglophone institutions; the term "prelims" is also used in English, as well as a few others according to institution. "Quals" is the term I'm most familiar with, but if another is, in fact, more standard by some metric, then we should probably go with that. I considered using the calque "graduate exam," but I figured that a term that's actually in use would be best.

>> No.18273  

>>18258
Thank you!

>> No.18297  

>>18032
please tell in advance if you're going to typeset this. I won't work on this until I've finished all my exams, which will probably be until 23th February. I don't mind if you're taking over the typesetting since I still have other projects to finish. Thanks.

>> No.18298  

also, for the person who'll edit this: please change everything to grayscale and adjust the white tone on every single page (change #FDFFFD to #FFFFFF).

>> No.18569  

>>18032
Are you going to edit this or not?

>> No.18682  

>>18569

Been a while since I visited for updates. Sorry I could have actually got to typset this earlier if I checked. But as for now I am softwareless due to the fact that I've cleaned my PC so I won't be able to keep my promised duty. If you need a QCer then I'll be able to help.

I will run by for other projects too in the future

>> No.18689  

I hope nobody's started on this editing yet. The English in this needs some work and the volume is out now with some extra stuff that wasn't in Yuri Hime.

I'd like to go thru the translation and try to proofread/TLC it. It may take a few days or weeks though, as it's not short and I work like 60+ hours a week. I do have the tank, though, and I'll try to post what's missing from the yuri hime scans, but I don't have a scanner and can't scan the missing stuff, unfortunately.

>> No.18690  

>>18689
Oh, it looks like this /is/ the tank version. Nvm about my other comments, then.

>> No.18747  

>>18689
I've started editing first chapter. Can you tell me what is wrong with translation? It's translation or the english gramma?

>> No.18766  
File: Fujiyuu_Sekai_Kanzenban_Ch_3.txt -(9491 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>18747
Chapter 3 TLC'd/Proofread

>> No.18767  
File: Fujiyuu_Sekai_Kanzenban_Ch_4.txt -(5886 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>18766
Chapter 4 TLC'd/Proofread

>> No.18768  
File: Fujiyuu_Sekai_Kanzenban_Ch_5.txt -(10967 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>18767
Chapter 5 TLC'd/Proofread

>> No.18769  
File: Fujiyuu_Sekai_Kanzenban_Ch_6.txt -(14907 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>18768
Chapter 6 TLC'd/Proofread

>> No.18770  

Like I said in the /u/ thread
( http://boards.4chan.org/u/thread/1995089#p2043204 )

>I just noticed that the raws are missing the entire "Last Spring" omake, Kodama's commentary is different, and there are 2 4koma comics on the actual book cover and back, under the book jacket. If anybody has those, please upload them somewhere? I'd do it, but I don't really know how to scan stuff so that an editor can use any of it. Sorry...
>> No.18772  
File: not_free_changes.txt -(3047 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>18769
Thanks for looking the translation over.

There were a few changes that stood out to me. In an effort to better understand the craft and produce the best translation possible, I humbly present them here.

>> No.18775  

>>18772
Multiball, first, Thank you for translating this. It's a lovely, delicious soap opera and Kodama did a great job. I couldn't have done well with this at all, and you did marvelously. ^__^

Some of my changes are purely editorial and a couple of them are a hair liberal so that the meaning can come across well. Flow is one of the most important things and if a line doesn't flow well, it really brings the quality of the translation down, in my opinion.

Having said that, obviously we need to stay faithful to what Kodama-sensei has written.

Here are some of the reasons I did what I did:

[55/147 (55.png)]
Yeah, I asked somebody else about this line and he seemed to verify that the the 触れて wa more indicating like having a feeling that, not actually physically feeling. I kinda see what you were trying to do there, though. What it boils down to is: that's a difficult set of lines to TL, orz.
Maybe something like:

>I get the feeling that something isn't right...
>It's like there's this deep abyss inside of her that I shouldn't look into.

This is a hair liberal, but I think it gets the point of what she's trying to communicate.

[85/147 (85.png)]
This was more of an editorial change, b/c the wording "desire was manifest" is really stilted. I thought I substituted a phrase that was similar, but evidently there's still confusion.
How about:

>I saw Reo-san feeling responsible, broken down and crying, and I realised what I really felt I needed to make sure she would stay with me.

Meiko's sorta-yandere so it's kinda implied she's really possessive and again, this is a bit more explanation than the Japanese did, but implications are moreso in JP than in ENG. You have to blatantly state things in EN sometimes orz

con't

>> No.18776  

>>18775
[93/147 (93.png)]
OOPSIE! I missed that, orz. It should be the same, with "However," instead of "But,"

[108/147 (108.png)]
This one is a bugaboo...
I acutally changed this because it really sounded kinda Engrishy and didn't flow well, but I might have lost meaning re-wording it several thousand times >_<
But yeah, we can use 'kind' here

>I don't want her to just be kind to me...

and on 54:

>Was kind but also spoke candidly with everyone.

and on 78 I accidentally a word:

>I wanted to open Reo-san's body slowly and gently.

and to answer your question, this 'gentle' has nothing to do with the previous one. It's meant in a purely sexual manner (i.e. "Please be gentle with me!" etc)

[115/147 (115.png)]
I changed this because it made no sense in English. Until you explained this I had no idea what you were trying to get across. "Flat" isn't the right word. She's basically saying that her life is boring and not exciting anymore. Sure it was a roller coaster ride, but now that she doesn't have it, she misses it. While 'flat' kinda describes it, it's not something usually said in reference to something like this in English.

>It's too monotonous OR
>It's too dull OR
>It's too boring

Something like that.

[133/147 (133.png)]
Shit, I didn't realise that was in chapter 1. I didn't get a chance to do anything with chapter 1 before they released it. I didn't even know anyone was doing anything with it until I saw the finished Chapter 1 on Dynasty's reader orz. I would've changed that to "more handsome" if I'd have known about it, b/c 'handsomer' is not good english lol. I'll see if we can get that page updated at least on Dynasty...

>> No.18777  

>>18775
>>18776
Multiball, let me know what you think of these and I'll update the chapters with any changes necessary ^__^

>> No.18778  

>>18777

Thanks for getting back to me. It's good to know that the work was largely sound.

[55/147 (55.png)]

This one was really hard, and I spent a lot of time on it. Looks like I'm not done yet.

I'm hesitant to add a phrase like "shouldn't look into," because of how dramatically that diverges from the original. The main purpose of the phrase is to state that Takase feels like she's come into contact with something in Reo that she wouldn't have expected given how perfect she though Reo was, not that there's something in Reo that she needs to necessarily avoid. If 触れる is to be more mental than physical, I would suggest something like:

> 彼女の普通じゃない部分
> I'm getting the feeling I've witnessed/glimpsed/felt
> 深淵みたいなものに触れてしまった気がしている
> A part of her that's not normal
> A thing like a deep abyss

The 深淵みんたいなもの is the thing that Takase is sensing (触れる); the way I parse it, this is the same thing as 彼女の普通じゃない部分. The second phrase (深淵みたいなもの) is intended to further describe 彼女の普通じゃない部分. I tried to preserve the structure— saying there's a thing inside her, then describing it more vividly— and then put the statement that Takase is sensing it at the front to create a reasonable line break, as demanded by the text layout. Is my parsing way off? It's hard for me to see it any other way.

[85/147 (85.png)]

To be perfectly honest, I'm kind of in love with the line "my desire was manifest," and it's hard for me to see it as stilted. "Manifest" is not an uncommon word, and I don't believe that this is an uncommon usage of it: Merriam-Webster provides several examples of the word being used in this way ( http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/manifest ). So I would really like to retain it, but if you think that it doesn't fit, here's a statement that I feel is similarly stark (in keeping with the original) and less likely to cause confusion:

> 責任を感じて泣き崩れる礼央さんを見て欲が出た
> I saw Reo-san, feeling responsible, broken down crying, and I wanted her.

[108/147 (108.png)]

I agree, the phrasing here was odd. Try this:

> そんな友だちに対する優しさなら欲しくない
> I don't want the kindness she gives to her friends.

On page 54:

> 誰にでもやさしくてさばさばしてて
> Was candid and kind to everyone

[115/147 (115.png)]

I still maintain that "flat" is an acceptable word here, and is not less abstract than the original. In English, the word "flat" is often used to indicate that something is uninteresting or lacking verve ( http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/flat definition 7a, 7b, 7c ). In this sense, the usage is similar to "vanilla." Additionally, the term in the original isn't 普通 or つまらない or 平凡, but 平坦. To the best of my knowledge, this word indicates not an emotional, but a physical flatness. As far as I know, there are words for emotional flatness or monotony, but 平坦 is not one of them.

This phrase follows directly from Reo's comments about the 浮き沈み she experienced with Meiko: this translates rather literally (and appropriately, mercifully enough) as "highs and lows." Now that there aren't as many highs and lows, things are flat. Physically flat. As I read it, I don't think this analogy is more tortured in English than it was in the original, and I don't think that a reader of the English text will have to work harder to understand it than a reader of the original Japanese. Because of this, I hold that the use of "flat" is justified.

Unless I'm missing something. Am I?

[133/147 (133.png)]

I, too, learned only today that a chapter had been released. Oh well.

For the record, I don't know if it's just regional or something, but "handsomer" sounds far more natural to me than "more handsome," which in turn sounds wrong to me. Merriam-Webster backs me up on this one ( http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/handsome ), but apparently both forms are in contemporary use.

Also, it's not a big enough change to worry about, but I'm just curious: why the flip from "...than a girl has any right to be" to "...than any girl has a right to be"?

I hope this makes sense. Thanks again for putting in the work to make it readable; hopefully next time, it won't take as much revision.

>> No.18780  

just to let you know, /u/ scans already released 2 chapters of this.

>> No.18782  

>>18780
Yes, thank you. I'm In that thread, too. I was the one making all the copyediting changes lol

>> No.18785  

>>18778

[54/147 (54.png)]

> 誰にでもやさしくてさばさばしてて
> Was candid and kind to everyone

This is fine ^__^

[55/147 (55.png)]

> 彼女の普通じゃない部分
> I'm getting the feeling I've witnessed
> 深淵みたいなものに触れてしまった気がしている
> A part of her that's not normal.
> It's like staring into a deep abyss.

I think this might be what you're looking for. (hopefully) I went a bit liberal with the "staring into a deep abyss" b/c it seemed to complete the thought of witnessing something and doesn't seem to detract from the meaning.

[85/147 (85.png)]

>"my desire was manifest,"

Yeah, if you're going to use that line, it would actually be "... was made manifest," as that would be the way it should be used and it actually implies that her desire was made known or finalised or broadcast. I'm not sure this is what she's trying to say here. Now, having said that, I've really only seen that line in older books and poetry, etc. It's not something a normal teenager would say or even think. The danger of going with /just/ the dictionary definition of a word is that the denotation might be right, but the connotation is all wrong. It also may not be used at all like the dictionary seems to use it. Language is fluid, etc, etc, etc.

> I saw Reo-san, feeling responsible, broken down crying, and I wanted her.

since you worded it like this, I can now see what the sentence is trying to say and this actually is a really good translation for that. I personally think we should probably go with this.

[108/147 (108.png)]

> そんな友だちに対する優しさなら欲しくない
> I don't want the same type of kindness she shows to her friends.

I kind of made it flow a hair better.

[115/147 (115.png)]
First

>I don't think that a reader of the English text will have to work harder to understand it than a reader of the original Japanese.

I had no idea what you meant by flat until we started this discussion...
However...
Let me see if I can somehow work with flat and clarify it at the same time... How's this:

>平坦すぎて
>It's too flat and predictable.

[133/147 (133.png)]
The only time I remember hearing the word "handsomer" was when I was reading Shakespeare or John Donne or something like that. It might be technically correct, but nobody uses the word anymore. "More handsome" is how people say it now.

>Also, it's not a big enough change to worry about, but I'm just curious: why the flip from "...than a girl has any right to be" to "...than any girl has a right to be"?

OOPSIE! I accidentally the words. my bad that should be:

>More noble and handsome than a girl has any right to be...

Sorry about that ;_;

Anyhoo... I think these changes are fine. Let me know what you think.

>> No.18786  

>>18778
And like I've said before, I think you've done a really good job with this, and I'm learning more JP as a result. I'm only a mediocre translator, but I think I'm a quite good copy editor and I've been speaking and writing this accursed language (ENG) for 40+ years. However, I still get shit really, really wrong lol. This is why I like bouncing things off other people b/c they can bring out meaning or clarify something that I might not have seen. Anyway. Thanks for clarifying things and hopefully we can get a really good translation from it. ^__^

>> No.18787  

So it sounds like we've reached an agreement on almost everything. There are still a couple things I'd like to talk about.

> More noble and handsome than a girl has any right to be...

The important thing now is to match whatever went out the door in chapter one. Consistency is more important than these essentially equivalent word orders.

>平坦すぎて
>It's too flat and predictable.

If you truly feel that using "flat" is too confusing in this case, try "My life has gone flat." I don't want to draw the phrase out; it should be short and punchy, like the original's.

For what it's worth, I use "handsomer," and "more handsome" sounds wrong to me. Maybe I'm weirder for it; oh, well.

I also consider myself a mediocre translator, and frequently encounter Japanese phrases that require a lot of work for me to decipher; that was certainly the case with this one. Accordingly, I'm very ready to believe that I've misunderstood something when there's a major change during TLC. Hopefully, things are now both readable and reasonable consistent with the original.

>> No.18791  

>>18787
Yeah, I can live with "My life has gone flat." for that.

I'll try to get the page in chap 1 changed to 'more handsome' so it'll be consistent.

>> No.18795  

Editor's here. Sorry for not posting chapter 3 and 4 on /u/. If there is anything to fix, please tell me. And this time I will post chapter 5 on /u/ for QC. Probably after tomorrow.

By the way. Multiball, Ichigo69 could you translate this >>18609 manga? I would like to work on it after I finish this.

>> No.18797  
File: 023.png -(370962 B, 824x1199) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
370962

>>18795
Sorry, I was just concerned that you didn't get all the changes that Multiball and I made to my script edits, but it seems like you did. Oh, and thank you for making this consistent with the one I changed ^__^

>> No.18798  

>>18797
Oh, okay. So we are good then.



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