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File: 54289258989235.jpeg -(537332 B, 1443x2048) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
537332 No.18610  

Raw by jhshrb.
http://www.mediafire.com/download/ec5bzygbe28d2yv/siroganegymnasium_2.zip

>> No.19404  
File: silver_gym_2.txt -(45197 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here is the translation to the second part. In addition to the issues outlined in >>19403, there are a couple of phrases here in whose translations I'm not confident:

> pg 30
> 良い変化が訪れたとして
> Even supposing that things turn for the better
> それが続く保証もない
> There's no guarantee they'll continue that way.

It was difficult for me to parse this phrase, so I did the best I could given the words in the order they are. If there's someone out there that understands this more easily, I'd gladly be corrected or corroborated.

> pg 103
> そんな都合のいいことフィオナに言えない
> I can't say something so opportunistic to Fiona.

I worry that I don't adequately understand the word 都合 in this context, and that I've translated 都合のいい poorly as "opportunistic." If there's a second opinion, it should probably replace mine.

>> No.19410  

Page 30 sounds good.

Page 103

>そんな都合のいいことフィオナに言えない

I'm not sure, but I think she doesn't want to sound like she's sweet talking. As in, she's worried that saying that her home is the gymnasium (BTW should this be dormitory/boarding house?) would sound like she's only saying that because she's talking to Fiona.

>> No.19412  

>>19410

> Gymnasium

I left a note at the beginning explaining why I translate 寄宿舎 as "Gymnasium."

> Sweet-talking

Okay, I think I see how the phrase works. I'll revise it, then, to:

> そんな都合のいいことフィオナに言えない
> I can't say such cheap words to Fiona.

Thanks for giving things the once-over.

>> No.20145  

Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 1 (in QC) v1
http://www.mediafire.com/file/ya4jskurmkgb3sy

Change of plans. I wanted to do Momono Moto's Dark Asterisk first. But something went wrong and I decided to finish this. The entire volume is already cleaned. So what's left to do here is only typesetting.

>> No.20147  

I'm glad to see this being worked on again.

Here are some notes on the text:

004.jpg (table of contents)

"The Small Wings Inside" -> "The Small Wings Inside Me"

012.png

Bubble two: This hyphenation is odd. Try:
"I've/always/seen/them to-/gether..."

020.png

bottom middle panel: "Teacher..." -> "Headmistress..."

023.png

"gymn-asium" -> "gym-nasium"

"There's no time to be sleeping without a care." -> "This is no time to be sleeping without a care."

029.png

"situ-ation" -> "sit-uation"

030.png

"suppo-sing" -> "sup-posing"

"Ther" -> "There" (spelling)

"conti-nue" -> "con-tinue"

Thank you for working on this.

>> No.20149  

>>20147
Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 1 (in QC) v2
http://www.mediafire.com/file/asn69e5e5xi573u

>> No.20150  

I'm happy with the text in this latest version.

Thanks again.

>> No.20153  

>>20149
Released.

>> No.20171  

Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 2 (in QC) v1
http://www.mediafire.com/file/fkapkcxrndwm0ul

>> No.20172  

>>20171

Here are some comments on the second chapter.

0040.png

"Oh, you hink so?" -> "Oh, you think so?" (spelling)

"ridicu-lous" -> "ridic-ulous"

0048.png

"Doing something on your own and doing something withe everyone else" -> "Doing something on your own and doing something with everyone else" (errant space)

0065.png

"But I don't want to pullany more wool over your eyes." -> "But I don't want to pull any more wool over your eyes." (add space)

Thank you.

>> No.20175  

>>20172
Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 2 (in QC) v2
http://www.mediafire.com/file/zfc76wggb8v8aon

>> No.20176  

>>20175

Thank you for the fixes. Reading through the chapter again, I noticed some other things, as well.

0048:

"withe vreyone" -> "with everyone".

0054.png:

"But if we had we thought you might run away." -> "But if we had, we thought you might run away." (add comma)

0067.png

"... I've caused you" -> "...I've caused you" (delete space)

0069.png

"Was the image of an eighteen-year-old Fiona, walking alone through that crowd"
This hyphenation on "wal-king" seems unneccesary. You have vertical space on either side; is it possible to shape it without hyphenating anything?

>> No.20177  

>>20176
Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 2 (in QC) v3
http://www.mediafire.com/file/1m1oa14c14fc9um

>"Was the image of an eighteen-year-old Fiona, walking alone through that crowd"
>This hyphenation on "wal-king" seems unneccesary. You have vertical space on either side; is it possible to shape it without hyphenating anything?

Without hyphenating it looks bad. I will leave it as it is.

>> No.20178  

>>20177

If you say it looks bad, I trust you.
I'm happy with this version.
Thank you for your hard work.

>> No.20179  

>>20177

The order of importance is usually:
size > unhyphenated > shape

>> No.20184  

>>20177

p63
panel 3, bubble 1

  • comma at the end

p66
panel 1, bubble 1

  • comma at the end

panel 2, bubble 1

  • comma at the end

p68
panel 3, bubble 1

  • comma or period

p69
box 2

  • would it be better hyphenating after the k?
>> No.20188  

If it's going to be hyphenated, it would be better to do "walk-ing". Though it's not really important. Looks good overall.

From https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/576/1/:

>For line breaks in words ending in -ing, if a single final consonant in the root word is doubled before the suffix, hyphenate between the consonants; otherwise, hyphenate at the suffix itself:
>plan-ning
>run-ning
>driv-ing
>call-ing
>> No.20192  

>>20184
Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 2 (in QC) v4
http://www.mediafire.com/file/dvazg8sc48dffsx

>> No.20201  

>>20192

pg42 - panel 3, bubble 1

comma after "so"

Otherwise, it all looks fine to me.

>> No.20202  

>>20201
Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 2 (in QC) v5
http://www.mediafire.com/file/lv5f0fxw5bzaufm

>> No.20219  

>>20202
Released.

>> No.20221  

Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 3 (in QC) v1
http://www.mediafire.com/file/j75puo97ow1249f

>> No.20222  
File: silver_gym_2_3_qc_1.txt -(1355 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>20221

Reading through this script again, there are a number of changes I would like to make in order to make it read more naturally and consistently. I've attached these, as well as a few formatting suggestions.

Thank you very much for helping see this project through to its end.

>> No.20227  

>>20221
Page 101
mar-shmallows ->
marsh-mallows

>>20222
Page 103
"I can't say something so cheap to Fiona."
Would it be better like this?
"I can't say something she might find cheap."
or: "I can't say something that sounds so cheap to Fiona."

Page 136
It were better I had the bravery to tell you earlier. =>
It were better if I had had the bravery to tell you earlier.

>> No.20228  

>>20227

>It were better if I had had the bravery to tell you earlier.

Would it sound better if it was:

It would've been better if I had had the bravery to tell you earlier.

>> No.20231  

>>20227
>>20228

> It were better I had the bravery to tell you earlier.

"It were better that I had the bravery to tell you earlier."? The "It would've been better" wording is more modern. Thinking about it now, I'm not sure the "it were better" construction was still popular at the turn of the century when I'm guessing this comic takes place; if there's a historical grammar guide out there I could check, this would be the time to do so, but I was unable to come up with one after a cursory web search.

> cheap

I'd prefer to retain the current wording. The original そんな都合のいいことフィオナに言えない seems to imply that the cheapness is not just potential or superficial, but an inherent property of the thing that might be said.

>> No.20233  

>>20222
Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 3 (in QC) v2
http://www.mediafire.com/file/zvnc7rsag9rsfn1

>> No.20240  
File: silvergym3_qc.txt -(876 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>20233

>> No.20241  

>>20231

>It were better I had the bravery to tell you earlier.

This kind of subjunctive expression of past conditional sounds a little strange. I think "It were better" cannot be followed by an independent clause. Just from a cursory search, it appears to be followed by "that" subordinating the clause, a to-infinitive clause, or an inversion of the condition.

"It were better that I had the bravery to tell you earlier"
"It were better to have had the bravery to tell you earlier".
"It were better had I the bravery to tell you earlier."

The "it were better" part is definitely correct, and was common usage until recently, but I think the rest of the sentence doesn't work as-is. I'm not certain though, as this kind of grammar is somewhat obtuse. It is a nice touch, adds to the feel of the setting.

>> No.20242  

>>20241

Yes, my vote is to inset a "that," with the resulting line being "It were better that I had the bravery to tell you earlier."

>> No.20243  

>>20242

I think you're right, that does sound best. Didn't see that you had proposed that one earlier.

>> No.20247  

>>20240
Silver Gymnasium 2 - Chapter 3 (in QC) v3
http://www.mediafire.com/file/5adyp4cazce9za1

>> No.20250  

>>20247
Released.

>> No.20252  

In célèbration of the completion, here's Schubert.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl58oW5PI1k

>> No.20255  
File: 87.png -(128305 B, 722x599) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
128305
>> No.20247

small error

>pg 87 "useles" (useless)
>> No.20258  
File: 00087.png -(518888 B, 1443x2048) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
518888

>>20250
Yay!

>>20255
Fixed.

>> No.20259  

>>20258
Updated.



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