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File: hontono-kokoro-10-1.jpg -(1399063 B, 1856x2621) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
1399063 No.22497  

Raws: http://yurinavi.com/2018/07/31/hontono-kokoro-10/

Zip: http://www.mediafire.com/file/twgp1i35jba389u/Honto_no_Kokoro_ch10.rar/file

4 Pages

>> No.22498  
File: Honto no kokoro 10.txt -(4438 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


I translated it the best I could but I left a couple of TL notes in places where the English could be improved. I would very much appreciate if someone could have a quick look at those.

Kobayashi ends almost every line with an exclamation mark. Please keep that in if possible.

I spent more time than I care to admit deciphering the blackboard and anime dvd cover texts. I will not mind at all if you don't want to bother editing that in.


>> No.22502  


I'll do it right away.

>> No.22503  

On a second thought, this might take me a couple of days. This one's pretty heavy on SFX cleaning and I'm a bit busy with real life issues. I got two pages cleaned, I'll do the other two in the next few days (and typesetting's a breeze afterwards)

>> No.22515  

This chapter sure took me time. So much to redraw! But yay, I love working on high-resolution Raws ^-^

A couple of notes:

1) There is an untranslated speech bubble in the last page (bottom right corner, I left it empty by mistake, so please refer to the raws for the original text).

2) One of the lines in the script reads as follows:

Please group us together!
(TL Note: something with this meaning, but use the most youngster lingo you can come up with)"

Err... Really? I'm not a native english speaker, so I'm not qualified for this. I used "We can go together", but I'll leave it for whoever does QC to take up that task.


>> No.22521  


@ 1) Empty bubble should be

"huh? Can she also..."

Good catch, thanks. Maybe I shouldn't be submitting these at midnight.

>> No.22527  


I think all of us here work the night hours on our hobbies.

Anyway, chapter 10 again:

QC is appreciated <3

>> No.22531  
File: hontono10_qc1.txt -(1028 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


Here are some comments about the text.

>> No.22534  


Great work as always <3
I love the thing about the "mobu"s hahaha, we definitely have to find some way to convey that in English. There's a TV trope article on Generic Names, it could serve as inspiration, maybe:


Right now I think we could use "Someguy" and "Otherguy" for names? Then maybe when the names are written over their heads use "Someguy-san" and "Otherguy-san"? Just one suggestion, it'd be good to hear other ideas.

>> No.22535  


The complication is that -moto and -yama are common endings of family names in Japanese. Their names aren't litteraly "Someguy" and "Otherguy;" you get a taste of what that would be like with when Vita calls Nanoha "Takamachi Nantoka," litterally "Takamachi Something-or-other," or "Takamachi What's-her-face." An English equivalent might be something like "Somebodyson" or "Whatsisson."

But there's an additional complication in my mind, which is that in this context, Japanese is treated as a prestige language; Roland Bollos calls this "translating down," from Japanese into English in this case. What this means is that there's a tendency in translation to make features of the source language visible to the reader, as opposed to trying to erase them and make the text seem as though it could have been written in the source language originally. You see this in practices such as including Japanese honorifics, which don't exist in common English usage. Additionally, the target audience for these translations exists on the Internet, and is highly international. In this specific context, it's possible that substituting Anglophone naming practices for Japanese naming practices may be not only less desirable from the audience's perspective, but less comprehensible than using the original Japanese naming practices. For these reasons, I'm would favor retaining the -moto and -yama, even if we replace the "mobu" with English.

If we really want to crank the weeb dial up to 11, we could even use Japonized versions of English words as replacements of "mobu;" "Samugaiyama" and "samubodimoto," or "Noubadiyama" and "Nouwanmoto." While I think this is hilarious, I think it would probably be fairly impenetrable to the average reader, and certainly more impenetrable than "モブ山" and "モブ本" were to the original Japanese audience.

We also might use the Japanese name endings in combination with generic English name endings. This would give something like "Yamason" and "Motoson," though these fit into Japanese phonology well enough that it wouldn't be obvious that they were supposed to be English surname endings, and people would just assume that that was their name in the original. And honestly, besides -son, I don't know that English offers any decently generic endings for family names. Generic family names tend to be all of a piece, like "Smith" or "Jones."

Here are some suggestions:
-Somebodyama and Somebodymoto
-Genericyama and Genericmoto
-Backgroundyama and Backgroundmoto
-Whats-his-yama and Whats-his-moto

>> No.22544  


Here it is. Let's go with the "somebodyama/somebodymoto" idea, I think it works well. In page 3 I simply moved the box a bit to the right, out of the balloon. In page 4 I didn't understand if you wanted me to add "each" or "all" so I added "each".


>> No.22549  


I think this is good for release.

>> No.22550  


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