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File: IMG_131.jpg -(339338 B, 1114x1600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
339338 No.23122  

Might as well make a thread for this.

Raws (thanks to Multiball and anonymous) & Cleans (by me)

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1gAYxFhWKPXlVMGH75VxyENFzY3G_42_2?usp=sharing

>> No.23135  
File: five_seconds.txt -(18620 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>23122

Translation.

I changed the title to match Zärtlichkeit's, but any further similarity is purely coincidental. I've been careful not to look at their translation, and I intend not to until after this ships.

>> No.23144  
File: IMG_138.jpg -(522315 B, 1114x1600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
522315

>>23135

There's no translation for the 2 texts in the big, middle panel.

>> No.23145  

Isnt this done already?

Scan wars??

>> No.23146  

>>23145

Haha, I don't think so. When Zärtlichkeit released their version, I had already finished cleaning and Multiball was almost done with the translation. So we thought we might as well just finish til the end.

>> No.23147  
File: witch_005.png -(229701 B, 1114x1600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
229701

I finished editing. In the google link, there should be a new folder named "QC". Along with the 2 texts on pg12, there is also an untranslated sfx on pg34.

>> No.23148  
File: five_seconds_qc1.txt -(3082 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>>23145

Yeah, I don't think anyone here's trying to declare a "war" or show anybody up. It's just a consequence of what happens when a fans start working on stuff they feel like independently of one another; some overlap is inevitable. I know that, for my part, I don't hold anything against Zärtlichtkeit, and I'm not trying to start anything. It's just a coincidence that we started working on the same thing, and they finished first.

>>23147

Here are some suggestions.

Thank you for your work.

>> No.23154  

>>23148

I updated the google folder.

>Also, typeset "the ward" in two lines: "the/ward".

I'm not too sure what you mean by typeset (I feel like I've asked this before). I did make the size bigger, as well as bold and italicize it. Is that what you meant?

>> No.23155  

>>23154

>I'm not too sure what you mean by typeset

By typeset they just meant to write it in in the way they said, just split "the ward" in two lines: "the/ward", nothing else

>> No.23157  

>>23154

Yes, "typesetting" is just the process of arranging text on the page. A leftover term from when taking pieces of metal type and setting them into forms was still a profession. And like >>23155 said, you did interpret the request accurately.

It looks like you accidentally switched out 012.png for the new version of 013.png, and kept in the old version of 013.png. (By the way, I cannot believe that I glossed over those two balloons every time I looked at 012.png. I even remember having to figure out how the next balloon fit into the conversation, thinking it was sort of an abrupt leap.)

015.png

I forgot to cast (enlarge to match the size of "the ward")

The ward (Is this italicized? If so, remove the italics.)

035.png

Would it be possible to vertically offset the "woooo" column from the "soooo" column? Like put the middle of each letter on the "woooo" column where the space between the letters in the "soooo" column is. If not, that's fine; I think it already looks pretty good, but I think that that little touch might really make it pop.

credits

Could you work a dedication in there? I'd like to dedicate this to my grandma. Just something like, "Multiball would like to dedicate his part in this work to his grandmother."

>> No.23158  
File: witch_35test.png -(285623 B, 3814x701) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
285623

>>23157

>Could you work a dedication in there?

I gotchu. Let me know if you want anything about the styling or positioning to change.

>Would it be possible to vertically offset the "woooo" column from the "soooo" column?

So, A is the original. B has the letters moved to look like what you said (I think). C is the same thing but the text is a bit larger. D is the same size as B (textwise) but more curvier. Fancy any of them? Or should I go back to the drawing board?

>> No.23159  

>>23158

Let's go with 'C' on that one.

And I trust you on positioning and stuff on the credits page.

>> No.23160  

>>23159

Okay, the folder has been updated.

>> No.23161  

>>23160

I think we should release this.

Thank you for your work.

>> No.23162  

06
I think you read 改めて as 攻めて and confused it with せめて, which is sort of funny. "So I'm at least gonna ask..." should probably be something like, "I'm going to ask one more time..."

Oh you think it'll be that easy? You can't stand the sight of me, can you?
Sort of sounds weird. Maybe, "I don't know, this might be too difficult. Don't you hate me after all?"

09
構う can mean 世話をする 相手にする からかう. So more like, "But you can't deny you're happy to have her attention, right?" It sounds pretty much the same, but I think attention has pretty good overlap with 構う, while "on her mind" is purely mental, which doesn't really fit.

I think she's saying the witch hunter is a brat, like, "I'm not happy over a brat."

I think the bottom right panel misses the point. She doesn't just send everyone away, she doesn't care who they are, they're all bugs to be shooed away to her. 孤高 isn't just "lone" but the idea of being high above everyone else. I think the point is she isn't just bored because she's a boring person who doesn't want to be bothered, but because she looks at everyone with disdain.

26
I think she's saying she acted just like a "dad-blasted whipper-snapper" or whatever you want to translate 小童 as.

33
Messed up ごときに again. It means the same thing as ように.

More like "Getting shook around by humanish emotions."

>> No.23163  

>>23162

06

You're right. That's what happened. Let's change that to:

> 改めて訊くが…
> So allow me to ask...

Does that sounds weird? What part of it does? It looks like your suggestion carries essentially the same meaning, so I'm glad to see that I at least got the sense of the line right. It might be slightly by design if it "sounds odd;" I've tried to model Meg's speech on slightly older turns of phrase, and I chose this wording in an effort to maintain that tone.

09

Yeah, I can see that. Let's go with

> でも構ってもらえて嬉しいのは事実だろ
> But you can't deny you're happy you've got her attention.
> brat

Yeah, that one felt like sort of a coin flip to me. I guess I flipped wrong. Let's go with:

> がきくさ嬉しくないわよ
> A brat like her? No, not /happy/.

I tried to come up with a word that better implies being "lonely at the top," but "lone" was the best I could do. If there's a better one that I missed, then I'd be glad to learn what it is. I figure "lone" implies a certain disdain for the mainstream, in a James Dean or Wolverine or even Holden Caulfield sort of sense, the sense of being a "loner." It's detached and cool, which I thought fits the herbalist's description pretty well.

But I can see how my version of the line with 虫ケラ would dilute that sentiment. Let's rework it:

> 男だろうが女だろうが虫ケラみたいに追い払って
> You were brushing them off like bugs, man or woman

12

For some reason, it bothers me to use the word "attention" for both 構う and 気を引く, so let's reword this line:

Personally, I really like this rendition:

> わざわざ気を引くようなイタズラやめて
> I don't get why you don't quit teasing her like a clingy bitch

But if you don't think that's appropriate, we can try:

> わざわざ気を引くようなイタズラやめて
> I don't get why you don't quit teasing her like you're trying to win her affections

26

Yeah, I see it now. Let's make it:

> ……あんな小童のごときに…
> ...Like a dad-blasted whippersnapper...

33

I looked this one up, and it looks like there's some difference in usage between ごとく/ごとき and ごときに. It looks like ごときに is used mostly to denigrate the thing it marks. I've seen examples like 「[...]あなたごときに対面する事さえできないはずなのに」( from https://ejje.weblio.jp/sentence/content/%22%E3%81%94%E3%81%A8%E3%81%8D%E3%81%AB%EF%BD%9E%22 ), which doesn't seem to mean, "Not have been able to meet like you," but "you[, lowly thing,] would not have been able to meet"; "would not have been able to meet, lowly as you are." The usage here seems consistent with that sense, which made it seem like 小娘, in this instance, was clearly Lilith, especially because that's the word that Meg uses to refer to her throughout the work. The line seems to me like it's supposed to be "getting my heart messed with by the girl [Lilith]," while expressing some disdain for Lilith, or disappointment in being brought to her level. That's where "just a girl" comes from. But I see that the weird thing for me is the に, which I read as marking the agent of the passive かき乱される, when it's not really acting that way here? Should the line be more like, "Getting my heart all mixed up like a little girl?"

Guh, that's embarrasing. Sorry about that. How about:

> 人間じみた感情に振り回されて
> Getting shook around by emotions like a human's.

Thank you for the translation check. I know I'm still an amateur, and it's hard for me to know when I make mistakes. Opportunities like this are extremely valuable for the sake of learning and improvement.

>> No.23164  

>>23163
On page 6 what I meant by saying it sounded weird is that it doesn't feel like there's a connection between the two sentences to me. Also I think in Japanese she's saying it in more of a teasing manner, but your translation feels more like gloating. Like you say, the meaning is the same so it's no big deal, that's just my impression.

Yeah, I don't really have anything better than "lone" either, at least not without turning it into a mouthful. Just changing the first line is probably good enough.

I'm fine with "clingy bitch" if you're asking me. Not like anyone is getting paid for this shit, so might as well go with the translation you like.

You're right about ごときに. I was reading it like an adverb, but it's the agent of the passive. Japanese is confusing. Looks like ごとく is the adverb form and ごときに is just noun + に. In that case seems like 26 should be "And to that dad-blasted whipper-snapper" referring to kissing her, which seems sort of obvious now.

Anyway, no problem, I'm happy to help. I'm in the same boat as you. Everyone makes mistakes, but I think you did a good job with the translation. It doesn't match 100% the tone as it sounds to me, but there's plenty of character and color to it, and that's a good thing.

>> No.23166  

>>23164

I think it makes sense on pg 6 for the two lines not to follow from one another; Lilith expresses confusion at what one has to do with the other immediately after, which is a pretty solid indication that they're not quite supposed to follow.

I was just asking for a reality check on "clingy bitch." Yeah, no one's getting paid, and we do it for fun, but at the same time, we're here double-checking each others' stuff and honing our craft because we care about quality; I don't want to have /too/ much fun. As long as you don't think it's too jarring or inaccurate, we'll go with "clingy bitch."

I dunno about ごときに. According to the examples I see in https://hinative.com/ja/questions/1515094 and https://hinative.com/ja/questions/1515094 , it doesn't seem like the に is really used to mark an indirect object. It seems like it's used mostly to express disdain; あんたごときに "someone like you; a loser like you." According to https://hinative.com/ja/questions/4756937 , using kanji can change the meaning; this is an inexpert opinion, and I'm hesitant to give if full credence, but it does square with the usage here. That gives me the impression that [「あんな小童ごときに…」is conveying the sentiment "That lowly upstart..." and 「こんな小娘ごときに心の内をかき乱される」 is conveying the sentiment "this little girl, in spite of my disdain for her, is causing my heart to be thrown into chaos." The original example from https://hinative.com/ja/questions/4756937 is very close to the line from pg 33, and that matches the explanation given.

>> No.23169  

>>23166
Well, she's confused about what liking the witch has to do with having the spell undone.

I don't have an issue with clingy bitch personally. I'm sure there are some people out there who wouldn't like the profanity, but since this is just a hobby I don't think we're obligated to please everyone.

I'm a bit confused. に has different uses depending on the context.
あなたにできない impossible for you
あなたに心配される worried about by you
I think you generally have the meaning for page 33. Page 26 is a little ambiguous, though, since there's no verb in the bubble. Personally I think the verb is either やっちまった or it's implied to be kissed, which is also what I think やっちまった refers to, so the same thing either way. In that case に indicates the direction of the action, the indirect object. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see another way to interpret it. "That lowly upstart..." doesn't seem grammatical to me. I'd say the sentiment is "I can't believe I kissed someone like her who's nothing more than a brat."
"I really did it... and to such a whipper-snapper... Not only that, but I said I liked her too..." is how I read it.

>> No.23171  

>>23169

I took やっちまった and あんな小童ごときに not to be part of the same phrase. しまった is a common stand-alone exclamation, and やっちまった is a stronger stand-alone exclamation. I assumed 小童 to refer to the burglar, and was expressing dissatisfaction that he managed to get a rise out of her like she did, which caused her in turn to say something she would have rather kept hidden. She consistently refers to Lilith as 小娘, and it would be strange for her to change to 小童 at this point. The implication is "(I got played) by an upstart like him..." Japanese tends to be very context-sensitive, and the context here of transitioning from flying into a rage and socking a guy to regret is important in interpreting the line. She regrets making such a scene, and blowing her image as the cool, disaffected lone witch, which was more the burglar's fault than Lilith's.

I don't think it was the kiss that did it; we can see that, true to her word, she didn't think twice about giving Lilith the kiss; she administered it and then continued to calmly deliver instructions. The thing that initially threw her off was Lilith's reaction. Then, it was the burglar that fanned her disconcert into a rage when he started horning in on Lilith in a that was demeaning for both her and Meg. I think Meg is grumbling about he burglar because he's a dad-blasted whippersnapper that made her lose her temper.

>> No.23172  

>>23171
OK. It threw me how she goes from talking about the guy to the girl, but that makes sense given the image and how she used あんな (I thought it had something to do with the distance thing, but that makes more sense).

>> No.23174  

I've updated the folder, according to the changes here >>23163. I'm not sure if there was anything needed to be changed based on the following posts.

> Getting shook around by emotions like a human's.

Should it be:

> Getting shook around by emotions like a human.

I don't really have an argument besides that it sounds weird to me. What is "human's" supposed to be a contraction of? My first thought is "human is" and that's what throws me off. Or is it even a contraction? Hmmmm...

>> No.23175  

>>23174

Only one other change:

026.png

...Like a dad-blasted whippersnapper... -> ...That dad-blasted whippersnapper...

This one went sort of back and forth, so if any line was going to get mixed up, it was this one.

The line you mention is correct; "human's" isn't a contraction, it's the genitive. "Getting shook around by emotions like those of a human;" "Getting shook around by emotions like a human's [emotions]."

>> No.23176  

>>23175

>...Like a dad-blasted whippersnapper... -> ...That dad-blasted whippersnapper...

Fixed.

> Getting shook around by emotions like a human's.

The phrase still very confuses me, but after re-reading what anon wrote about this line

>>23162

> "Getting shook around by humanish emotions."

and what Zärtlichkeit had written, I think I kinda understand what it means. At first, I interpreted your phrase like: The witch is getting shook around by emotions like how humans get shook around by emotions. Like humans are emotional and she's usually not.

Then after your reply, I thought, "Does the witch not have human emotions?", but now I'm thinking it's just certain emotions, like love. I don't know. I think I get the general meaning. The phrasing just throws me off. But then again, I ain't no English major nor a no Japanese major. I'm just a student who's overthinking some sentence in some oneshot and not doing any actual work XD

>> No.23177  

>>23176

I think we're good for release.

What the witch says implies very directly that she's upset at being manipulated by emotions that are like human emotions. It definitely implies that there is at least something inhuman about her.

I was neither an English major nor a Japanese major, either, but I like to think I'm decent enough at both to be making some sort of contribution here. Thinking carefully about things is the first step; I encourage you not to be ashamed of it, and to continue to do so.

And don't for a second think you're not doing any actual work. Editing is hard work, and I'm glad I don't have to do it. I'm grateful that there are those who, like you, are willing to put in the effort to help projects like this produce something meaningful.

>> No.23178  

>>23177

Aww, thanks! And thanks for all your hard work, and to everybody else on this site.

Fun fact: I don't usually keep track, but I spent 3 hours just typesetting the first 10 pages of this. Did I get off track often? It's likely. Did I deeply contemplate about the fonts I would use (mainly for the sfx)? That's definitely very likely. sigh I do this to myself XD

>> No.23179  

>>23178

I think the effort shows. Preoccupation with details can seem distracting, but it's also where polish comes from.

>> No.23180  

Released.

>> No.23182  

pg8 medical herbs > medicinal herbs
pg17 burgler (Is that intentional?)

>> No.23183  

>>23182

pg 8

Potato, tuber

pg 17

Yes. Is there something strange about the word "burgler?"

>> No.23184  

>>23183
The spelling I know is burglar, and a quick google doesn't show any result for that. Is it an old version of the word?

>> No.23185  

>>23184

Oh, uh, no, that's, uh, a typo. Confound it, I must have forgotten to run this thing through spellcheck. Sorry such a stupid error went out, and thanks for the catch.

Still, if I didn't spellcheck the script, then I count myself lucky if that's the only spelling error that got in.

>> No.23188  

>>23185

Fixed it.

>> No.23189  

>>23188
Updated.

>> No.23191  

>>23183
Is "potato, tuber" the explanation for medical herbs or also another correction?

>> No.23193  

>>23191

The idea is that these two words mean things that are close enough to each other that I don't feel bad using one instead of the other.



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