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File: Motto_Hanjuku_Joshi_ch9.png -(1535780 B, 2220x3106) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
1535780 No.24453  

RAW: http://www.mediafire.com/file/tk4szmhv33kuv5o

>> No.24471  

I will start cleaning in anticipation that Multiball will be translating again.

>> No.24485  


Confirmed, that's the plan.

>> No.24542  
File: motto_ch9.txt -(9532 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


Plan enacted.

>> No.24593  
>[9/16 (33_1.png)]
>Aw, man, I lose!

Should that be "lost"?

>> No.24594  
>[10/16 (34_1.png)]
>Épée is the popular one worldwide.

Maybe "Épée is most popular worldwide? Just sounds kinda strange as it is to me.

>> No.24595  
>What are you talking about‽
>We're still at school!

Would this be "still in school"? That is to say, the interpretation is that they only do kissing because they are still young. They look like they are in a fast food place, not at school, which is how I would interpret it as translated.

>> No.24601  


I think either one is acceptable here. given that the masks are only just coming off, and the match has just ended, either "I lose" or "I lost" are appropriate in English. In Japanese, you would use 負けちゃった for either usage in English. I don't think it has to change.


Yeah, this one was a little weird. I left it a bit awkward in English because it seemed a bit awkward to me in Japanese. If my Japanese were better, maybe I would have encountered this formulation before, and it wouldn't have seemed as awkward. The strange thing to me is that there wasn't an 一番 or anything in the original. 一番 is so common in Japanese that it seemed strange not to see one here, and it seemed like the best way to translate that strangeness was to leave out a "most." The "<adjectivbe>の" or "<adjecting>なの" structure is commonly translated "<adjective> one," so this seemed like the best representation of the original to me. I'm welcome to improvements, but I would sort of like to make sure to omit the word "most."


This one was add to me, too. Ayumi is clearly implying, "We don't do more than kiss" because they're still on school grounds. As far as I can tell, 学校の中 is pretty unambiguous in that part: it's about being physically at or in a school building or campus. If Ayumi had been talking about waiting until they were older, I would have expected a different term than 学校, something like 学生 or 未成年; I don't know of a Japanese expression equivalent to the English "in school" that's commonly used to mean "attending a school," with the common implication "therefore a dependent or still immature." To say something like "still in school," I would expect a phrase like まだ学生です or 卒業まだしていない; more literally, you might say something like 学校に通っています, though my first impression on reading that would probably be that the person in question is on their way to or from school at this moment.

But you're still right that it's an awkward thing for Ayumi to say at this point in the comic, and it doesn't get the point across as well as I'd like it to. I feel like in actual conversation, people would use a historical present, but that still wouldn't work well in person, and it works even worse in text. Maybe something like

>What are you talking about‽
>Not when we're at school!
>> No.24604  

Here's an explanation of the のは pattern

Also, は can be used to contrast different things, which is probably the case here, implying that worldwide the epee is popular, but locally something else is.

That said, I don't have an issue with the original translation. I just wanted to help clear that up since you said it seemed weird.

>> No.24608  


I think your translation of that Epee line is fine. The original gives more of a feeling of "As for what's popular worldwide, that would be Epee" not "Epee is most popular worldwide." They might mean the same thing, but there's a little bit of difference in emphasis. I think "Épée is the popular one worldwide" captures that perfectly.

>> No.24616  

Thanks for the explanations. I will keep them all as they were originally translated.

>> No.24620  

Here is the first revision. Please review it.

>> No.24624  
File: motto_9qc1.txt -(5249 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


Here's a review.

Sometimes, I think it'll be all atmospheric and cool to leave off periods in floating text monologues, but it always just feels weird and incomplete to me when I do see it on the page. I've marked where they should be added in.

Besides that, there are comments on a number of things.

>> No.24658  

My notes on fonts has a font for french words in particular. I could just leave épée in that font and leave the others in standard font. I did it this way to leave all the specialized words in the same font. In this revision I changed just épée to chinacat which looks somewhat similar.

>> No.24662  


Apologies for the long turnaround time.

The new "ÉPÉE" is an improvement over the old font; could we write it in lowercase? I think we should typeset it using the standard rules for English (and French, for that matter): by default, the letters should be lowercase; but if it's the first word in a sentence, then the first letter should be uppercase.

There were also a couple hyphenation issues:


full-/body/tar/-get... -> full-/body/tar-/get... (Hyphen to end of the same line as "tar")


Of/cou/-rse -> Of/cou-/rse (Hyphen to end of previous line. There isn't really a good place to hyphenate "course," so I'd consider reducing the text size or employing some other trick like a font that's vertically slimmer than the one we're using here.)

>> No.24666  

I put it all uppercase because the font is an all uppercase font. If we are trying to normalize the french word with the rest of the text why would we want to have only that word be lowercase?

>> No.24670  


You know, that's a very good point. I think you're right and we don't want to make it the only lowercase word in the whole thing.

It still looks visibly out of place, though, and I'd like to try to make it feel as in-place as we can. The easiest solution is probably to remove the diacritics entirely, which I've seen commonly done in English texts on fencing. I'm leaning towards this solution, simply beceause this other 'É' looks strange enough to me that I doubt it would look good as the only letter in the word in that font, but if you want to give it a try, we can at least see how it looks.

>> No.24672  
File: epee.png -(269022 B, 1185x571) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

This is what it looks like without.
I'll defer to you, but my preference would to be either leave it as it was (included, in the similar font) or use the "french word" font for the word.

>> No.24675  


My desire for consistency is great enough that I would opt for leaving the diacritics out.

>> No.24684  

Here it is!

>> No.24685  


I think this is good.

Thank you for your work.

>> No.24686  



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