Hanabi by Arai Sumiko TL by boke PR by miystifi ### TL notes indicated by hash tags like this: ### ### Page numbers indicated by // for example, page one is //1 ### Panel numbers indicated by / for example, panel one is /1 ### Unless otherwise noted, panel and text balloon flow is from upper right to lower left ### Lines in asterisks are "fixes" by PR, with explanations in parentheses //0 /1 Hanabi ### big letters Or something like that //1 /1 Prolog - Or something like that //2 /1 My first love was like fireworks. sxf: Whumpf Owwww… Jeez! Kuwabara! //3 /1 You punch like a fucking gorilla! Yeah, more of a gorilla that someone who just got whooped! *Yeah, a gorilla who just whooped your ass!* (The original line sounds extremely disjointed when reading, so I simplified it.) /2 Shit! Fuck off! *(Fuck you!)* (Original is literally "Fuck you, Die!" which felt really out of tone, so I think just an F U is enough. ) C’mon, Kenta let’s go. sfx: Shuffle sfx: Wha… /3 Here… *...Here* (Matching the original makes it flow into the next page better imo) sfx: Ba-boom //4 /1 Let’s go home, moron. I remember that the fireworks were going off *I remember fireworks going off* ("That the" is repetitive, and can be shortened (more leeway for editing ig)) /3 In the opposite direction of me, who just fell in love. *in the opposite direction to where I had fallen in love* (There's a bit of a dangling modifier with the second half of this line, "who just fell in love", so I solved it along with some tweaks to make it flow better from the previous page. I'd say keep the "i" at the beginning lowercase to keep the continuity between the split dialogue.) Doing that shit? In junior high? //5 /1 That fuckin’ Nakayama. He got busted in class about liking you, Kobayashi. So he goes and plays soccer with your geta? Fuckin’ brat. *That stupid Nakayama. He got busted in class about liking you, Kobayashi. So he goes and plays soccer with your geta? What a brat.* (I feel like kids wouldn't really be hard cursing this much, so I dumbed-down the terms a bit while still keeping in line with the tone.) ### Geta are the wooden sandals worn with Yukata sfx: pit pat sfx:: ka-booom That night, Kei-chan was pissed. /2 sfx: ribbet ribbet For me, it felt like that geta, lost in the woods back there, had already filled it’s purpose. /3 sfx: Boom sfx: Boooom sfx: Pop…. sfx: ribbet sfx: ribbet /4 It was only the fractured rhythm of the fireworks, and the sound of the frogs in the rice fields *,* (Comma for correct sentence structure? Not really necessary, I'm just nitpicking.) Plus the sound of what my heart was yearning for, that I was listening to. *plus the sound of my heart's yearning, that I was listening to.* (To keep continuity between the two lines, I'd say keep the beginning lowercase. Line was also sounding repetitive, so I shortened it.) //06 /1 It was the final winter of high school when I stole her first kiss. sfx: ka-clack ka-clack ### big letters on left /5 …Oh shit I went and did it. *aah... I actually did it...* (Kept it more in line with the raw, and personally I think this fits more with Kobayashi's character) //7 /1 sfx: ka-clack ka-clack /2 The lights of a passing train were reflected in her eyes. *The lights of a passing train reflected in her eyes* (This line continues in the monologue in /4, so I edited it accordingly.) /4 sfx: sfx: ka-clack… So pretty. *So pretty...* (I feel like adding the ellipses fits more into Kobayashi's character, but again, just me being nitpicky) Made me remember the flickering fireworks. *made me remember those flickering fireworks.* (Continued from monologue in /2, so I edited accordingly (lowercase in beginning!)) //8 /3 Letter of Acceptance Test Number Name: Kuwabara Kei /6 At the beginning. *From the beginning.* (Helps convey the passage of time more smoothly.) //9 /6 And at the end. *Till the end.* (Helps convey the passage of time more smoothly.) //10 /1 Since then, I haven’t gone to see fireworks for a while. *Since then, I haven't gone to see the fireworks.* ("For a while" at the end makes the line repetitive.) /2 But this year, I thought, “what the heck”. /4 As long as I can hold this girl’s hand… /5 Or so I thought. //12 /1 …Kobayashi? It’s so strange. /2 It’s not like I hear the sound of fireworks launching. *It's not like I can hear fireworks launching...* ("The sound of" is repetitive, so I shortened it.) Nao? /4 So why is she always… //13 I’m begging you… Don’t launch any. //15 /1 Kei-chan (17) Everything is annoying. Someone messing with her. ### pointing at hair Maybe in the basketball club? Wanna go home. ### thought balloon Go ahead, say whatever you want. ### left of big letters at top If it’s for Kobayashi, she’ll even beat up the boys. @ At the fireworks festival So stupid. ### word ballon in middle She smiles normally. Twang ### above heart Kobayashi’s memory of falling in love for the first time. ### below arrow Kei-cha… ### word balloon Kobayashi (17) Somehow, love is heavy for her. ### big letters at bottom Plays the flute in wind ensemble. But I’m strong too! ### word balloon Can I touch her…? ### thought balloon Crying, laughing. Fidgeting. Busy girl. //16 /1 Last Winter of High School //17 /1 Soooooo coooold! /2 I wish we didn’t have to have bare legs, Kei-chan. *I wish we didn't have to have bare legs, Kei-chaaan.* (More syllable elongation to match the raw (and better for Kobayashi's character hehe)) Kobayashi, hush. I can’t focus. /3 …ugh We’ve still got 15 minutes until the train… Kei-chan, pay attention to me… Just study. /4 sfx: glance Hey... *...Hey* (Again, matching the raw, and I think having the ellipses before helps get the hesitation after the glance across.) What? //18 /1 Are you really going to go to a Tokyo University? I’m going to. Assuming I get in. Ehh? Nooo waay! I mean, come on! You’re going to get in. *You're definitely getting in.* (Edited to flow better.) /2 Look, that’s why you have to open that reference book. sfx: Blunt Ugh… Ok… *Fine...* (IMO fits into the dialogue better.) /3 sfx: sniff So cold… /4 Heeeey Kei-chan, I can’t! It won’t go in my head… Let’s play Shiritori. Shiritori! *Shiritori...* (Match the raw again, and matches with Kobayashi's crying face better) ### Shiritori is a word game where you start a new word with the last syllable of someone else’s word. You foul out if you repeat a word, can’t think of one, or if you say a word ending in “N”. sfx: wah wah Wha? *Huh??* (IMO matches Kei's dialogue better here (remember the extra question mark!)) Why the hell would we play a child’s game like that? Puuuhleeeeease!(?) You’ve been my friend since junior high, right? Ok, fine! I got it! Get offa me already! Ok, then! *Alright,* (Same reason as above.) “Shiritori”! //19 /1 *(It's better for the quotation marks to go around the words they say, not the syllables. Plus, it matches the raw better, so I've edited the following lines for that + some punctuation that was missing.)* Eheheh Yaaay! Ri… "Ritomasu shikenshi!" ### Litmus Paper Don’t hit me with chem terms "Shi… …rasu”. ### shirasu is boiled white fish /3 Oh, come on! Foul! You’re gonna make me want some… *You're gonna make me want some...* (I think the "Oh, come on!" is enough, adding the "Foul!" doesn't really make sense.) Su… Su… /4 …ki. ### suki means I love you /5 Wha…? //20 /1 Ki… *........Ki* (Ellipses added to front to match the raw, and to help distinguish the pause.) sfx: ka-klack ka-klack /2 Ki… /3 "Ki… /4 …su" ### kiss, of course sfx: ka-klack ka-klack sfx: ka-kla //21 /1 sfx: ka-klack ka-klack /2 sfx: ka-klack ka-klack //22 /1 Su… *...Su* (Ellipses in front to match raw.) “Su… …kebe” ### sukebe means pervert /2 You’re using that word after doing that to me? But forget that, what the hell were you doing? In a moment, at platform 2… *The train is arriving at platform 2...* (I think being more clear here is better for reading, instead of having to guess.) Oh, the local train’s here //24 /1 Kei-chaaan Why did you go home before me yesterday!? I told you. Cram school. You didn’t tell me! sfx: wah wah Even after I got an “A” rank on the last mock exam? Even though you said you’d give me a reward? Were you lying to me!? Hah? I didn’t say tha- You did say that! /2 I hate this! I hate this! There’s only a little time until graduation, and- Mmm *nn-* (I think a more sudden sound better depicts how startled she is.) Shaddup already! *Oh, shut up!* Kiiiiiss *ちゅううう* (I'd prefer the chyuuuuu over a TL but it's your choice *winky face*)