03 -panel 2: missing sfx, which was just a 'smile' -panel 4, bubble 3: this might sound strange, but on the big snail, the ! looks stuck to the side of the word making an interesting symmetrical il! glyph to me, maybe because of the difference in width the ? carries by comparison. Maybe just a little bit of space between the l and the ! will make it look more proper. 07 -panel 1: typo in 2nd bubble "letting". -panel 3, bubble 1/1.5: I kinda ruined this moment. Attentive readers will just wonder if the inconsistent honorific is an error as it is (which I wondered about but I don't think it is. With the pause that the previous panel provides, I think Sayuri is quietly addressing her like a caught student or kouhai etc, and then Yurika being formal in reply) Limitations in the bubble size here I know, but I was thinking something like "Um... Yurika-san, do you have a moment?" Let me know if anything sounds good to you. 09 -panel 1: missing sfx, which was a 'click' for the lightswitch/cord -panel 2/3: The bubbles are out of order here, unless this is intentional for spacing purposes. But otherwise it'd be "Yurika." in the 1st bubble of panel 3 and the supper and aprons one being in the same 3rd bubble. I'd like to do some minor rewording for panel 3 anyway. Can get rid of that 'together' if you want to fit it into one bubble if that's what you're doing. But it's the 4th bubble that I want to make more natural. How about changing it to something like "and chatting together in our pajamas like this, too." 10 -panel 1, bubble 1: I don't like the way I worded this. How about "Except the part about having to show off my bare face." or "Except the part about having someone see my bare face." Whatever you think sounds best. Is 'bare' the only word we use non-makeuped face in English? Would 'natural face' be better? 12 -panel 4, bubble 1: I think the word 'now' needs to be in here to be proper. I think directly replacing the word 'just' with 'now' would work just fine. -panel 4, bubble 2: This probably doesn't explain the baseball properly. Sayuri's using the word for a direct shot, aka a 4-seamer, which is sometimes called a "straight" in wasei-eigo. For alternatives, maybe something like "Taking shots, are you!?" 13 -panel 4, dark bubble: same thing as page 3, but not as bad. I think a little bit of spacing between the ! and its flip self would make it look a bit better. I might be the only bothered by this. 14 -panel 1, bubble 1/1.5: This is pretty superfluous. How about changing the wording to "To be honest though," + "I'm actually jealous of you, Yurika." Regardless, I think at least one of 'tbh' 'I have to admit' and 'actually' have got to go. 17 -panel 4, all: I think I led this part poorly into the following sentence on the next page. Would it be better if it was more storytelling-ish and add in some filler, like: "But," + "I'm glad actually." + "This is good." ? Regardless, I think 'glad' instead of 'happy' is a bit more natural.