If crossbar I's are of concern, I can add notes for those, otherwise... Generally these are suggestions, I went for simple tightening up for chapter one. The first number corresponds to the page and the second to the frame/panel 5f3 I suggest adding a dash to "wha" to make it "Wha-!?" because the word is cut off The best dash would probably be an em dash I suggest lowercasing the "S" in "Smirk" Just a general rule that sound effects should be entirely the same case 5f4 I suggest changing "10" to "ten" Another general rule, this one being to spell out all numerals from one to ten 5f5 Add a period after "Ahaha" Because it's considered part of the dialogue rather than a sound, so it should be punctuated 7f1 The extra commas are a bit of a comma splice scenario, to keep the flow I suggest removing the comma after "right" 7f2 Same suggestion for an em dash to make it "Wha-!?" 8f2 Same suggestion for the "s" in the cut off "sorry" I suggest replacing the ellipsis with it or, if it looks okay, putting the s- on its own line and the ellipsis on a third line. Replacing might look best 9f2 lowercase the B in "Because" To keep consistent with earlier stutters where the repeated opening letter was lower case Either way is fine, just being consistent is the key here 10f3 and 10f4 Similar suggestion here to lowercase the W in whisper 10f5 I suggest removing the ellipsis in this panel's bubble It's an odd spot to pause and the Japanese usages of ellipsis to exclamation don't quite carry over into English (rather than a long emphasis, it denotes a pause then surprise) 10f7 Change the period into a comma This is a flow suggestion, no need for two sentences in the bubble I think 11f1 lowercase the "W" in "We're" or add an ellipsis to after "san" because it is continuing the previous sentence, so whichever looks better If you go for the ellipsis, then I suggest changing the period after "today" to a comma 11f3 I suggest adding "info" to after "contact" In this case, contact is an adjective and doesn't work as a noun 11f6 I think you should lowercase the "W" in the second "W" to match the earlier stutter consistency. Although I could see it going either way here 12f1 Suggestion for the em dash in Wha here too Or to spell it out as "What" entirely or use "Huh" to lessen repetition 12f2 I suggest changing the period after "pain" to a comma Because it works here and would flow well 13f4 I suggest changing the comma after "right now" to an exclamation mark In order to avoid touching the second bubble. For the second bubble to work as is, the comma would need to be removed after "so" and lowercase the s in "So" 14f4 I suggest adding "It's" to before "None" The incomplete sentence doesn't quite work here Then changing "It's not" to "This isn't" To avoid repetition I also suggest adding bolditalics to "is" in "It is my business" To emphasize the back and forth 14f5 Remove the comma after "let me go" 15f2 I suggest removing the ellipsis here 15f3 I suggesting adding "Are" to before "you okay" It seems very casual for the character's voice and the situation Add a period to after "Let's get out of here" 15f4 Split "comp-letely" as "com-pletely" To match how the syllables break up 15f5 I suggest changing this to "Sor-" with an em dash to show the word is cut off It also cuts at the syllable break that way If the ellipsis stays, I suggest putting it on its own line 16f2 I suggest lowercasing the "Y" in "Yaaawn" for the sfx consistency 16f3 I suggest copying the color from the other text and the phone and using it as the color for "Aki" on the phone 17f1/2 I suggest changing the L... to "L-" with an em dash Similar reasoning here because it is cut of/stuttered If the pause is needed, the ellipsis can follow as well 20f2 Remove the comma after "She was here" or add "she" after "but" I think the second works better for flow. This is necessary because the comma should only be there when the second clause is independent (when it has the subject "she") 20f6 I suggest updating the color on this phone text as well 21f4 Add a comma to after "something to do" Similar to the above, the comma is needed because the second clause is independent 22f4 I suggest changing this sentence to "Gawd, it was Koizumi that time before, right?" This should flow better and is needed because there are too many commas/clauses going on as it is. The structure can be kept with tricky em dash usage if needed, however (a note that the "2" works here as it is w/ the numeral rule because it's a proper noun) 22f4 I suggest changing "stick their noses in" to "try to butt in" to avoid the repetition here which sounds a bit awkward The background text is missing in this panel 22f6 add a dash to before "logize" to show it is being cut off 23f2 I suggest changing "Wha!?" to "Huh!?" and the "wha...!?" to "What!?" Partly to avoid repetition in exclamation usage and partly to avoid the need for the dash construction 23f1/2/3 Cut "Apo-logize" as "apol-ogize" x4 That's just where the syllables break (as per the dictionary) 23f4 I suggest changing "Ge... get away!" to "Ba- back off!" I think that would fit a bit more naturally The switch to the dash is for the word being cut off 24f3 Add a period to after "Not again" 26f3 It looks like this is a repeat of 9f4/5 (it seems to be, looking at the raws) The dialogue in one or the other should be changed to match. The easiest would probably be to update this dialogue to Why do you hang out with me...? B- Because we're old friends... These lines might sound as nice here because they're specifically about hanging out rather than being together and old friends instead of childhood friends. 27f2 should probably match as well 27f3 I suggest changing the ellipsis after "Wha" and "L" to em dashes the pause from the ellipsis ruins the flow a bit in the first and the second is cut off (ellipses do not denote cutting off a syllable, though they do denote trailing away)