Natural Born Heisei by Hato Popoko Chapter 1 9 Satou and Yomura I wanna be popular. Mm... To do that, I'll need to make people like me more. What is it about me that you like, Yomura-san? Well... Nothing, really. 10 Better Do It (Spaaace) What's up, Satou? You're spacing out. (It's kinda scary) (Gasp!) We had homework due today, right? (For math class) I never did that, so I was thinking I really oughtta. Then do it. (Stop thinking about it) At Best I wanna be an angel. Say something. Good luck. 11 Listen, Listen Man, I've just got the funniest story. Wanna hear it? No thanks. What!? You sure? I'm telling you, this is really really funny stuff. Nah. I'm good. Self-Confidence Ah! (yank) (twitch) C’mon now, don't be like that. The story I've got is way better than this book. (flip flip) Fine. I'll listen to your story. But if it turns out to be dumb, I'm gonna hit you. (With a closed fist.) Fine by me! Trust me, you won't be disappointed. (Not that I ever DO disappoint!) Got hit. 12 Harada and Nakagawa I wanna go to Russia. That came out of nowhere. (Russia...?) Russia's real cold and everything, right? I wanna see what it's like. But I thought you hated the cold, Harada-san. Oh yeah! I forgot... (Eegh...) State of Hawaii I’d want to go to Hawaii! (Aloha!) Ahh, that's a good one. Nice & warm there, right? But isn't that a bit cliché, a trip to America? (Russia’d be better) America? Not America, I said /Hawaii/. (Huh?) (What?) But Hawaii is a state /in/ America. C'mon, stop kidding around! 13 Realization Y’know, swimsuits... (shriek shriek) We wear ’em like it’s totally natural, but aren't these kinda way too skimpy? I mean, it's just one thin layer of fabric... You can basically make out the whole body line. We're practically out in public naked like this... Sorta scary how we'd just get used to it. Really feel people's gazes in these. (Eek!) (Ah ha ha) shift She Does Do you diet or anything, Yomura-san? What? No, I'm just wondering how you stay so slim. Oh... nah, I don't really do anything. I'm just the type that doesn't get fat. Anyway, would anybody really diet at our age? Nah, I guess not. Though I do. 14 Secret Hey, let me look at your cell phone. Huh? (tap) N... No way. (beeee-oop) Eh? What is it?? Your boyfriend? (mu ha ha) No!! Then, why can't I look at it? (ramble ramble) ...Y... You're always dropping stuff, right!? I don't want you to break it!... (I just got a new one!) A Bath Together Tonight! [face] Nah, I'm just messing with you. I'm just curious about the design of your phone there. Can I take a look? (Sorry for teasing you like that) If that's all, that's fine. Don't look at my texts, all right? Not that I should have to say that Got it, got it! No texts Hm... Well, well... (tap tap tap) "Onii-chan! [heart] Little Yuri’s really hungry... [face] Hurry on home! [note] Let's take a..." Hey!! 15 Q. Is Hawaii in America? Huh? Yeah, it's in America. America? Sure is! Yep, that's America. Yes, that's right. Hawaii is one of the 50 states in the United States of America. Why are you asking about that? N... No, I was just... curious, is all... Regrets Wanna go see a movie? Good idea! Let's see a horror movie. Eh!? (Horror!?) Oh? Are you bad with scary stuff? (Then we can see something else) ...What are you talking about!? It doesn't scare me. I love that kinda stuff! (Let's go see it) (Agh!) (Aieeeeee!) (Ahh! Ahh!) (It hurts, it hurts!) (shrieeek) 16 Idiot They say yawns are contagious, but there's no way that could be true, right? It's only true for the idiots that believe in it. Man, I'm sleepy... (yaaawn) (yaaawn) Up High Up high, up high! (C'mon, put it here!) Yeah yeah, all right. Yes!! Oppai, oppai! (slap) 17 Chapter 2 Backfire You take this one, Satou. (Me, huh...?) Hey! Satou. Don't know the answer, so I'll pretend to be asleep. (zzz) You got some nerve, pretending to sleep on me. See me in the faculty room after class. 18 Air Conditioning Broke (swelter) Man, it's hot... Why not try tying your hair up like me? (It's nice & cool and it's cute and I'm cute) I thought about doing that, but... I don't want it to look like yours. Forced It On Her Anyway Eegh, damn it, holy cow that's cute... It looks awful. So hurry up and undo it. (wrench wrench) Hey! Quit yanking on me. Ca Gotta say though, I get ticked off easy when it's this hot. Please don't get ticked off. (God, it's hot...) You need to increase your magnesium intake. (Eughh...) That's /calcium/. (ticked off) Mg Hey... What is it now? What was that metallic element whose atomic number is 12 that's commonly used in fertilizers and gives you diarrhea if you take too much and melts at 650° C and boils at 1107° C? That's magnesium. (God you're irritating) 20 Persuasion Man, it's hot... (flap flap) (swelter) Hey!! Harada-san! I know it's hot, but you have to wear clothes! People can /see/ you!! What? What's the big deal? What do you mean, people can see me? Isn't the main thing whether or not you feel comfortable? And if you look at the way things are tending nowadays, it's pretty much inevitable, isn't it? You know how everyone's going on about eco-this or eco-that these days. I'm just falling in line with the Cool Biz campaign. This is a kind of eco too. Weren't they just saying in class the other day how each of us has to find little ways we can all pitch in? You should take that off too, Nakagawa-san. I promise you you'll feel cooler. (yap yap) Y... You think so? (Huh...?) (flap flap) (Hoo...) (Wait...) (Huh?) Air Conditioning Was Fixed Well, it /does/ feel cooler... Hey!! Nakagawa-san! No matter how hot it is, you have to wear clothes! W... Wait, no! This was... Harada-san, she said... See, look!! (flip) 21 Training I'm a pair of glasses! What are you doing? (Are you all right...?) Practice. Sleep-Deprived Harada-san, your face... (It's strange...) (drooob) Hey... Are you okay? Do you feel sick? Maybe we should go the nurse’s office... (There's an odd sound too...) Ah! Sorry, fell asleep there. (What were you saying?) 22 Pierrot (burst) Listen! Listen! (Wait till you hear this!!) Somebody just confessed to me! (Eek!) Is it fun to lie to people? Pretty fun, yeah. Smile So I went on a date with my boyfriend yesterday... Ooh, really? (twitch) He said he's breaking up with me! Oof... 23 !!? (snip snip) Wrong. Breath-Holding Contest One minute in (quiver quiver) Two minutes in (Pwah!) Seven minutes in 24 Inconsistencies I just saw an invisible man!! (burst) Please close your mouth. No, I'm serious! I was walking in the hall and... somehow I got this sense that somebody was there... And then... There it was... This see-through person with no head... And then... He looked at me with this horrible grin on his face!! (I swear I'm not lying!) Star Potential I think I'd make a great actress. Where does your confidence come from? Did you know I can make myself cry right away on demand? Really. Check it out!! Gghh... (flash) /Cry/. 25 Chapter 3 September (Sure is still hot, though...) (drip drip) Sparrows Satou, Satou. (Ch-ch-chi) (Ch-ch-ch-cheep) Listen, the birds sound really pretty today. (Hear them?) Cheep cheep. Stop it. (Seriously, stop) Cheep cheep! 26 Forgotten Ah! (Gasp!) What's wrong? I left my glasses at home. Pain But then the mean, crusty old coach breaks right down in tears! Ooh hoo... It was a real "Even sparrows cry" moment! (Very moving!) It's "Even demons cry." ...I knew that! It was a joke! [Note:] *"A sparrow's tears" is a separate Japanese idiom meaning "a trivial amount". 27 The Reason Yo! Hey, listen to this, I had a really weird dream last night. So I was in the one thing with the other thing and this thing came in and blah blah... (Gwahh) Hey! Why are you yawning? (C'mon now...) Because I have to listen to you talk. Dangerous Ah!! You're sucking on a piece of candy! Give me one! Go ahead and throw it. I'll catch it in my mouth. (It's my specialty) (wave wave) (fling) Ngh! 28 Next-Level Reasoning I heard this scary story last night, and ended up getting barely a wink of sleep.... (Man, I'm tired...) The thing about scary stories is, the more you know, the less scary they are. If you only know one, that's all you can think about, so it just keeps getting scarier and scarier. So I'll go ahead and tell you lots of them. (Once there was this college student who lived alone...) Ooh! Got it. Call Me "Pretty" Instead You're bad with scary stuff, Nakagawa-san? (A- do- ra- ble!) N... Not at all! I mean, I'm not a little kid. (I'm fine with it) Ehh? Are you sure? You don't have to hide it, I think it's cute. Don't say "cute"! The way it's kinda childish... It's cute. (Hey!) I said, stop calling me that...! How cute... Man, she's cute... So cute... 29 Now That You Mention It Hey.... What is it? Isn't curry a little /too/ good? (It's bizarre...) I kinda know what you mean... (What's /with/ that?) Curry The way it's loved by all, old and young alike, man, woman, and child... There has to be something going on behind the scenes here. Curry is originally from India, right? It's odd it'd become such an institution here in Japan... I'm starting to get a little scared. (A killer is coming from India...) Me too. (Maybe we can curry favor with curry) Help us! Save us, Yomura-san! (Fine, but...) Later. 30 Hasta La Vista And so then, /I/ said... "/Hasta la vista/, baby!!" (Pwah!) Ah ha ha! Man, you're funny, Satou! R- really!!? (Y... Yes!!) I mean it, you're really the funniest. (gasp) Dream, huh. Already Crying I wish I'd been born in America. Why? (What's wrong with Japan?) Well... y’know... I just think the spirit of liberty in America suits a free-flyer like me. (drip) 31 Chapter 4 Beggars Belief Aren't crowds of onlookers kinda distasteful somehow? Yeah, it's a little lame. Right? It just seems so vulgar. (ka-smash!) Agh! The vase...! Ooh! Ooh! Let's go see! Let's go see! (Eh?) That was quite a sound... startled me. I wonder who broke it? 32 What Have I Done? (Sprawl...) Hoo, man... She's really drenched... Wasn't that vase, like, super expensive? (drip) Ah!... Wait a sec, wasn't that vase really important to Sensei? Oh, man... Poor Sensei'll be so sad... Pretty sure her dead grandfather left her that... Oof... Regret (step step) (Mu ha ha...) GOOD MORNING!! (shove) (wham) Uwoh! (crack) (smash!) 33 Informant Sensei, the vase in the classroom got broken. What!? You /again/!? Give me a break already... (creak) (Sigh...) That was a valuable vase, you know... Not me!! Nakagawa was the one who broke it. (Mwa ha ha) Eh!? It wasn't you!? (And Nakagawa, of all people?) (clatter) Oh, geez... I hope she's not hurt... (jog jog) Damn Her... I'm sorry, Sensei... (drip drip) I broke your precious vase... I'm so sorry... (All because I was messing around...) It's all right, Nakagawa. Forget it. (squeeze) The thing that matters is you weren't hurt. (sniffle) I’m sorry... 34 Essence Nakagawa-san sure is cute. (So innocent) What? That little midget? I think I'm a bit cuter than she is. (pyoooo) I'm sorry, but I just don't think there's any way you’re beating out Nakagawa-san. (Also, never make that pose again) Look at me carefully. /In essence/, I'm cuter than she is. (grasp) (She's just small) (Stop it. Let go) I Can Prove It To You If You'd Like Just where... In the world... Do you see yourself beating out Nakagawa-san in cuteness? Right here. (pat pat) ...Again, that part included, you lose to her in every imaginable way. (Sorry to say) Nope. I'd beat her ass in a fistfight. 35 Testing It Out Wow! Your hands sure are huge, Harada-san. Bet you’d have a heck of a slap. Hm? Really? Then, I'll give it a little try. Huh? (lift) (slap) Hey, you're right Her Favorite That really hurt... What the heck! (throb throb) (snub) Sorry, sorry. I'll buy you ice cream next time, all right? (jolt) (Sorry) C... Can I get Häagen-Dazs? Sure Sorry for slapping you. ...I’ll forgive you, then. See? Cute. God damn it... (Rrrgh...) 36 Victory Hey, y’know... Back in the Edo period, people didn't have ice cream, did they? No, I guess not. I feel like I won somehow. You have some cheap victories. Defeat Y'know, whenever I eat ice cream... I just have to give a shout. Since it's "I-scream". Please laugh. Sorry. Balance Have a seat, Nakagawa-san. Eh? That Was A Close One Harada-san, your balance is incredible! Sure is You think so? Thanks. Seriously, it's amazing! I'd love to be able to do that... Is there some kind of advice you can give us? Don't do it with a sword. (You'll die) 38 Naked & Alone in a Secret Place Do you take your clothes off when you get in the bath, Yomura-san? What? Of course I do. Hey! Didja hear that, everybody!? Yomura-san says she takes her baths /completely naked/!! (Whoo!!) She takes off her panties and bra and everything! She has to bare /every single square inch/! (Naughty!) Just Wanted A Surprise Entrance All right, we're starting homeroom... Oh? Is Satou out? Looks that way. Then, guess we get one day of peace. (Bwa-ha!) Without our #1 problem child. Come on, Sensei, that's a little mean... She's right though, isn't she? Ah ha ha! You guys are awful... (Heh heh heh...) (Ah ha ha! Ha ha!) (Heh heh...) 39 Yomura Born February 17th 40 Satou Born July 28th 41 Chapter 5 Natural Born Heisei Her Grades Are Average I don't wanna study. This again? No, I'm serious. This time I'm really serious. I mean, I understand how you feel, but... What, you're just gonna fail the test? And I mean, we're students, studying is what we do. What are you gonna do, quit school? Screw your logic. (I told you I don't wanna study) 42 Buttocks What's the point of having extra flesh on our butts? Mnn... I guess as a cushion for when we sit? Agh! (squeeze) Ooh, it is a pretty good cushion, you're right. (Nice and soft) (squeeze squeeze squeeze squeeze) Wh- Eh!? What!? What!? What!? Capitulation Ah... (whip) H- Have you lost your mind!? Touching people’s butts... But you know, it really is a terrific butt. Eh? Honestly it makes me lose any sort of sense or reason. That's just how great of a butt it is. (I mean it) Huh? Y... You really think so? Please, just let me touch it one more time. What...? W... Well, if you insist so much, then... all right... 43 ¥5000 Will Do I broke my leg. It hurts. So give me some money. Your arm’s next. Forgot Who She Was Dealing With Doing mental math is my specialty. Really? Try giving me a problem! I'll come out with the answer right away! (pound) What's 28,727 x /3421? G... Give me one a little simpler, please... (Not square roots and stuff...) 44 Model You know I got a gig as an amateur model?? It's made my life crazy busy though, gotta tell you! And people recognize me and stuff... I've even gotten movie offers. Ha ha ha! I'm just messing around. Did I get ya? Did I get ya? (chuckle) What is she even trying to do... Self-Reflection Life might go better for you if you stop just making stuff up all the time. Ehh? Get too used to lying, and it'll come back to bite you someday. Well... Mm. You may have a point. Maybe I'll tone it down. (Yo!) I think that would be smart. Hey, did I tell you I saw a UFO yesterday? Tone it down, huh. 45 Second-hand Knowledge Hey, didja know? (Heh hem) You can't bend down your pinky finger without bending another finger with it. Wow, really? Wanna know why? It's 'cause the nerves in your pinky are connected to the nerves in the finger next to it. (yap yap) Oh? I can do it. (bend) Huh!? Aghagha... (straaain) Ehh? Looked at Her Cellphone Again I'm totally opposed to violence. So do me a favor and please calm down. (snag) Look, if you're going to preach nonviolence... Don't do it right after you do stuff to piss people off. But it's very important to speak up for the things you believe in. From noble and lofty ideals... are born noble and lofty people. (whump) 46 Sag Brassiere! (jump) Wha... What? Brassiere. I forgot to wear one. (They're really sagging) What!? Bitter Tears How could you forget? I've never once forgotten mine. Eh? Nakagawa-san, you wear a bra? O... Of course! Why!? What are you trying to say!? Why do you wear one even though your chest is totally flat? Just to be fashionable? (bwooon) 47 Rock-Paper-Scissors Ever notice rock-paper-scissors is hardly even a game at all? (I mean, who thought of it!?) Three different choices? That's the whole game? Simplicity's only good up to a point. (I'm angry about this) If you try to employ any kinda strategy, it's called cheating! What sort of design is that!? Everything's just left totally up to luck! It's asinine! I don't wanna lose a game based on dumb luck!! Well, I mean... that's what rock-paper-scissors /is/. Dumb Luck Still, I bet I can beat /you/ at it, Yomura-san! Oh hoh. (You wanna have it a go?) Let's do it, then. Ready? Rock, paper, scissors... Shoot! 10 Straight Losses 10 Straight Wins (Whaaat...) (I'm afraid of my own power) 48 Mature Harada-san, what are you doing? (pop) Hmmm? (scrape scrape) Just sharpening a pencil. (shave shave) Eh!? A pencil!? With a knife!? Why not just use a pencil sharpener? Mmm... well, I'm just used to doing it this way. (shave) It's kinda therapeutic, almost. Wow... T- t- t- totally awesome! I gotta do that too!! Priorities Yomura-san! Hey! You gotta come with me, /fast/! Huh? (snip snip) I mean it! If you don't come /right now/, I'm gonna get expelled! When I'm done cutting my nails, okay? (snip) (snip snip) (snip snip)