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File: Screenshot 2024-01-27 at 12.20.13 PM.jpg -(295849 B, 888x1268) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
295849 No.26675  

One volume for all you yuri magical girl drama geeks out there.


>> No.26676  
File: A Song Of Singing.txt -(50608 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Content warning: these magical girls are kinda low key (what would you do if you could do magic?), teen drama angst doesn't interfere with canonical yuri for once, true love manages to trump love spells and that spells confusion.

>> No.26746  

My first time editing, please give feedback


>> No.26750  

Hi valence, I've taken a cursory look and it looks pretty good. I'll review it again with the text file and raws and let you know if I see anything on second pass.

>> No.26756  

finished ch2 now:

>> No.26758  

I'm not going to get into whether text changes work or not. They all seem to still convey the same meaning, but I'll leave the grammatical evaluation to Nobody on Dynasty. Grammar isn't my strong suit. Big thing I noticed was the use of "mum" instead of "mom". Feel free to keep it if you want, it just stuck out to me since I'm not used to seeing it.

P10, Panel 1: The phrase is going into someone else's school, they aren't switching schools, just visiting in this case. Switching implies transferring and that's not whats going on here.

P13, Panel 4: missing handwritten "Who Knows?" text

P23, panel 3: Capital "R"

P25, panel 5: Question mark looks weird here

P27, panel 5: "any" is missing between there's and such

Overall the cleaning and typesetting looks good. I'm not an expert on font choices but they all seem fine to me.

>> No.26759  

Thanks for the review! The use of “mum” is mostly just a habit for me.

re P10.1: I assumed there they are switching schools and not visiting, because on page 9, Maki sees them and exclaims “First years!” – and they’re also wearing the same uniform.

re P25.5: this is an interrobang ‽. I could replace it with ?! I suppose… I kinda want to keep it because its cute lol

>> No.26760  

full steam ahead:


>> No.26761  

re Pg 1: The line before that is her asking if it's their first time at Akio Academy. And one of the girls is wearing a blazer. Also, I doubt her school is the only one that wears sailor uniforms. Also, one of the girls in a sailor uniform comments that the auditorium is different from her school's, indicating a present tense.

I'll leave it to you if you want to change it, but my read is that they are visiting students there for the auditions.

Also, you're really knocking these out. I'll try to get chapter 2 & 3 reviewed by Friday.

>> No.26764  

I asked boke and I think you’re right. I’ve changed it to “Have you been to Akio Academy before? // It’s hard finding your way around someone else's school, huh?”.

Anyway, QC period is over, so the final version with all changes is here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1yPZVqAcDIXtO3f7Co5dSQsvJIvx68dqp

There’s something in the guidelines about a mediafire folder and the home page, but I’m not sure how to edit those, so I’m just sending an upload request to Dynasty for now.

>> No.26765  

Not much on this one:

Pg43 - I think the wording choice of "Even doing this in the classroom" is better. Its not that they are in the classroom, but what they are doing that's the issue.

Side note: this is getting interesting. Taking a turn I wasn't expecting!

Re mediafire & homepage: those are out of play right now. The person in charge of those isn't active right now AFAIK.

>> No.26766  

pg49 pn 4: you -> you'll

pg49 pn 6: capital "I"

pg62 pn 2: "Did she go home?" doesn't need to be vertical here, you have some room to flip it.

>> No.26770  

ch4: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1bEMkb3b76U4jg9ilWWtaYL8Eri3tO9mz

ch5: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1j-Gbbyf82jWMFc_rxeWOZeORPDMbJuii

(also, I sent the upload request for chapter 2 after responding to QC)

>> No.26774  

ch6: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1CRY4Dn_ar6Z5oc5fC4iyT4fQwuUl1fZ2?usp=sharing

ch7: ttps://drive.google.com/drive/folders/19kZGyhfDJeyL241PWsf5uKkIqJNEapOb?usp=sharing

extras: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/120OiSWzsblmJKYJkT2BfoHkmDyuX3TTv?usp=sharing

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